Advice for Self Love
- May 18
- 2 min read
Once, I had a neighbor who became a very good friend—like a sister to me.
I love this couple dearly; they'd been married for over forty-five years and built a beautiful life together.
She met her husband when she was just about nineteen, and he was a few years older.
Fast forward forty-five years, and they were my neighbors, with two grown children and a beautiful home. From the outside, they seemed like the perfect couple.
The Hidden Loneliness
Sometimes, I say things that affect people's lives without even knowing it, just sharing wisdom from within me.
She once told me, "Rose, you are wise—you should do this professionally, coach people. You helped me." I was surprised!
She explained that, though everything appeared perfect, she felt lonely.
Her husband was a good man—always providing, respectful, taking her to dinner, attentive in public. But she longed for more physical affection: hugs, tenderness, closeness.
Understanding Different Upbringings
Some folks grow up in families where affection isn't shown, not because they're unloved but because parents believe showing too much will spoil a child. That was common in the old days.
My parents used to say they loved us most when we were asleep, so we'd not get "spoiled" by attention.
They didn't show affection, though they did love us. It's what they knew.
Advice for Self-Love
So, I told her—if your only problem is a lack of cuddling, but your husband is good, loyal, respectful...
Well, nobody is perfect in everything. If you have a good partner who loves you, sometimes you need to fulfill certain needs yourself.
"God gave you two hands," I said. "When you feel lonely, hug yourself. Pat yourself on the back."
Later that year, she broke her leg and couldn't get out of bed. She remembered my words—hugging herself, comforting herself.
She said it filled that void and helped her mentally. She had a good man and learned to give herself the love she craved.
Realizations from My Own Life
Just like her, I grew up longing for companionship. My parents left me young. I learned to lift myself up, to love myself, to pat my own back when no one else did.
And when my daughter was young, even though I loved her more than life itself, I struggled to show affection because I never received it.
Accept and Compromise
Life isn’t easy. People may not meet all of your needs—but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means they might not know how.
Even if they try, it can feel unnatural to them. Better to understand, forgive, and find ways to fulfill your own needs—like hugging yourself. Take care of those needs so you don’t grow bitter.
My Closing Thought
Remember, as adults, you can give yourself what you need. If you don’t get love from outside, give it to yourself.
I am Rose Lambert, Elite Matchmaker and Love Expert Speaker
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